Articles by Karen Deerwester

Are We There Yet: a Child's Perspective on Vacations

Well meaning parents everywhere plan interesting vacation experiences for their children hoping to excite children's passions and possibly expand children's knowledge of geography and culture. Then, before you hit the turnpike, on goes the DVD player and you forget that amusing license plate game. Or, a quick picture of the kids in front of the Grand Canyon and back to the hotel pool is a much better strategy than that long hike with two tired, cranky children.

Children are not tourists. Actually they are more like turtles carrying home with them wherever they go. Family vacations are time spent together. Anything more is bonus. Yes, give your children exposure to new people and new places. The cumulative effect will make them citizens of the world but your day-to-day travel experiences will be remarkably similar to hanging out at the neighborhood park. Unless you plan your vacation with your little turtle in mind.

Know your destination - know your child

Whether you pick a child-oriented destination or an adult-oriented place you've always dreamed of visiting, look for a connection to your child. Ice cream in Italy may be a bigger draw than the Coliseum. Looking for ladybugs in Tuscany may be more interesting than circling Michelangelo's David. Sometimes adult travelers overlook the simplest things, like skipping stones under the Golden Gate Bridge.

Your child makes a personal connection wherever he is based on his mood at any given moment and whatever unique associations hit him at the time. Even a well designed child-oriented vacation establishment does not predict what will capture your child's imagination. It can happen that your child is so worried about the bait fish at Sea World that she can't watch Shamu. So be it. Time to forget Shamu and go find happier penguins.

Include your child in the planning

Your child is more likely to buy-in to the vacation agenda if he is part of the planning. School-age children can be nominated as tour guides for specific cities. Let your child research points of interest and lead the day. You could be in for some innovative surprises. You will not only learn about new cities but you'll probably learn a great deal about your child.

Include younger children in advance planning by incorporating books and pretend play long before you leave for the airport. You might even plan your trip after you notice your child is interested in a topic in a book or a movie: Monet's Garden, A Night at the Museum, or a trip to the San Diego Zoo after reading Panda Bear, Panda Bear, What Do You See?

South Florida preschoolers can "play" vacation dressing up in snow gear and rain gear weeks before heading off to Utah or to London. You can also create a pretend "vacation" tableau in the living room complete with a pretend hotel bed and suitcases for packing and unpacking.

Maintain appropriate routines

Younger children are at their best with consistency and predictability. Try to make your daily plans around your child's needs. Travel during your child's less active times. Plan on potty breaks and stretching breaks - yes, put a football in the car for five minutes of "quarterback camp" at fuel stops. Look ahead and anticipate breakdowns and meltdowns. A prepared parent is a resourceful travel guide.

Take full advantage of your successful home routines to ease potential travel stress. Bedtime loveys give young children familiar comfort in unfamiliar places. Your traditional bedtime story or song helps a weary, over-stimulated traveler to turn off until tomorrow.

Be flexible

Parenting is always that fine balance between being prepared three steps ahead of your child and being flexible enough to meet your child in the moment on child-time. Vacations are the best place to find that balance.

What does your child really want on a vacation? YOU! You not at work, not on the phone, not consumed by day-to-day adult worries. Your child wants you there with her - watching, playing, laughing, having fun for no other reason than because you are together. Not having fun because you are in a beautiful place or having quality experiences in an edifying place. This is your time together away from all the regular demands of day-to-day lives. Enjoy.

Karen Deerwester is the owner of Family Time Coaching & Consulting, writing and lecturing on parenting and early childhood topics since 1984. Karen is also the Mommy & Me director at The Ruth and Edward Taubman Early Childhood Center at B’nai Torah Congregation in Boca Raton.

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