Articles by Karen Deerwester

Ready for School

By Karen Deerwester, Ed.S.

Parents are ready, no doubt. But you still wonder "have I done enough to prepare my child for everything that school entails?" Why is it that some children wave good-bye to mom and dad eager to start their school adventure and others cling to the nearest cement column as if school were molten lava?

It cannot be otherwise. Children are born with a temperament style that is recognizable in infancy and will be there when they go to college. We cannot change temperament. But if we understand temperament, we can find the best strategies to prepare a child for new experiences.

Researchers categorized three temperament styles: easy, slow-to-warm-up, and difficult. As babies, the child with the "easy" temperament style loved anything new, was flexible adapting quickly to schedule changes, and accepted day-to-day frustrations in stride. The child with the "slow-to-warm-up" temperament style needed a little extra time to become familiar with new people, new foods, and new experiences. This child often preferred taking his time "watching" before feeling comfortable with new activities. On the other hand, the child with the "difficult" temperament style has intense moods, is not easily redirected from what she wants, has high frustration levels, and vigorously rejects new things. Think of this as the classic artist temperament.

Of course, children never fit into tidy categories but you can use these temperament styles as a reference point. If you notice traits from any one of these categories, you can choose a parenting strategy to better fit those aspects of your child's personality.

Some children are born ready for new experiences. These are the children that are begging to ride the big yellow bus to school. Parents of children with an easy temperament still want to ensure that their child is prepared intellectually and emotionally for ups and downs of a real school day. Otherwise, two weeks later, that easy-natured child may just change his mind about how wonderful school is.

• Re-establish predictable bedtime routines before school begins so your child is well rested on busy school days
• Talk about what's expected of your child, especially when school rules are different from home rules
• Think of school from your child's perspective and priorities: "Will you remember to pick me up?" "How long is three hours?" And "I love school and I miss you at the same time."

The child with the slow-to-warm-up temperament will make a fairly easy transition to school so long as you remember to lay the groundwork. This is the child that loves simple, clear explanations repeated over-and-over again: "You're going to school. It'll be so much fun. When you come home, we'll have lots of time to do your favorite things."

• Take this child to visit his new school or class.
• Talk about his teacher as soon as you know her name.
• Buy the backpack together and rehearse all the fun it will be to pack and unpack the bag on school days.

This child loves a predictable world where he is a full participant in the process. Time is your friend with the slow-to-warm-up child.

Things are different for the child with the "difficult" temperament. While you want to let your child know what's coming, you do not want to dwell on it too far in advance. Too much preparation prolongs the dreaded anticipation. Most important, try to make a positive connection with the school experience:

• Talk about being in school with a long-time friend
• Get your child busy in favorite activities in the classroom as quickly as possible
• Plan something your child enjoys immediately after school so she can focus her attention on that when she has difficulty during the day

Get ready - this child will protest. But if you stay cool and calm, your child will gain strength from you. Since the child with the "difficult" temperament dislikes change, she will only feel okay about the change when she gets past the newness of the experience. It's up to you as the parent to lead her through.

Then, of course, find yourself a really good friend who will listen to your doubts and soothe away your tears. Remember all those good reasons for choosing this school. Trust your decisions and your planning. Your child is in a safe place with teachers and staff who care deeply about his well being. School is good.

© Family Time Inc. 2004

Karen Deerwester is the owner of Family Time Coaching & Consulting, writing and lecturing on parenting and early childhood topics since 1984. Karen is also the Mommy & Me director at The Ruth and Edward Taubman Early Childhood Center at B’nai Torah Congregation in Boca Raton.

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