Articles by Karen Deerwester

Play is the Way

Your child came into this world expecting it to be a happy place filled with people who love him and things that amuse him. So far, learning has been fun. It was fun to learn to walk. It's fun to play with words in stories and songs.

There's a time honored cliché that says "play is the work of young children". It's absolutely true both in its simplicity and its complexity. Children need to play. The America Academy of Pediatrics issued a report in the January 2007 issue of Pediatrics titled The Importance of Play in Promoting Healthy Child Development and Maintaining Strong Parent-Child Bonds. Your child's well being and the well being of your family just might depend on having time to play.

If you are lucky enough to remember your childhood, you remember vividly that play is the magical space where everything happens. Unfortunately, you can't just add the perfect amount of "play" to your daily schedule. But you can make a little "time", time for nothing. Play is like an episode of Seinfeld - it's about nothing.

The difference between learning through play and being taught by a well-meaning, helpful adult is that in play your child directs the experience. He is making active choices. When learning comes from within, the learning is not dependent on a particular situation or a particular person. Play develops thinking - thinking in new, unpredictable contexts.

Meaningful Learning

Have you ever watched your child try to fit into a toy car the size of a large shoebox? He gets one foot in and tries to figure out how to maneuver the rest of his body. Adults take many concepts for granted that are deeply mysterious to young children: from "I'll be right back" as you drop your child off at preschool to your child remembering that the swimming pool is a dangerous place.

Learning is meaningful to young children when it fits into their way of thinking about the world. This is a long, on-going process of trial and error. It takes time and a variety of experiences to learn all the relevant information.

Pride and self esteem

Then, when your child experiences the "click" of learning, it's as if he knew it all along. You see it in your child's face - "I got it!" Even without a cheering audience, your child knows the thrill of success and the joy of mastery. Of course, sharing that success with someone special, like mom or dad, makes it a cause for real celebration.

Self esteem isn't a simple gift from admiring parents who love their child. Self esteem is derived from your child's relationship with the world. It is your child's tried-n-true belief in himself. I can do this. I may need help. I made need to try again and again. But I can do this.

Improves relationships

Play teaches children how to interact with all sorts of personalities. Play, from "playing house" to some new politically correct version of "cops and robbers", teaches children how to live with rules, how to be assertive, nurturing, and fair. Play is the practice field for adult life from the board room to city hall.

Play also builds a stronger relationship between parent and child. Families who play together understand one another's strengths and one another's struggles. They have more opportunities to help one another with problems large and small. They also build a legacy of unconditional love and support.

Power of fun

Your child revels in everything he can do. Learning is power: the power of a body to run, jump, skip and climb; the power of a voice to say "I love you", to ask for help, to be loud, and to be as gentle as a whisper; the power of will to strive, to try, to plan, or to negotiate; the power of knowledge to understand how something works, to be able to predict what comes next, and to shape the future.

Yes, learning is fun. A positive cycle begins: play leads to more complex thinking which leads to more complex play and on and on. Give your child the gift of nothing, the gift of play.

Karen Deerwester is the owner of Family Time Coaching & Consulting, writing and lecturing on parenting and early childhood topics since 1984. Karen is also the Mommy & Me director at The Ruth and Edward Taubman Early Childhood Center at B’nai Torah Congregation in Boca Raton.

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