The Entitlement-Free Child

Tantrums

Situation: My child regularly has a tantrum in the grocery store checkout line.

Entitlement Issues: The entitlement child can't help it. If the store doesn't want children to have tantrums, they shouldn't put all that stuff there to tantalize them. The entitlement child's behavior is not his fault or his responsibility. The store is pushing children to the limits of self-control. It's the world that's wrong and imperfect.

Entitlement-Free Perspective: The entitlement-free child has tantrums too. But only the first few times. He knows there will be goodies to tempt him in the checkout line-and he also knows, without any ambiguity, what the adult response will be to a tantrum. Tantrums don't work. They are ineffective strategies to try to get what you want.

Entitlement-free Strategies:

1. Prepare your child for difficult moments. Talk about what awaits you in the checkout line, and remind your child what kind of behavior is appropriate. Avoid the lecture-ask your child to tell you what he can do in the checkout line.
2. Engage your child in positive behavior. Distract him with conversation: read the covers of magazines for funny stories, count the different kinds of candy, or guess how much money the groceries will cost today. Enlist your child's help: double-check the grocery list, pass the groceries, or plan the evening's dinner. Every time your child has a "job," he learns that he makes valuable contributions to the functioning of the family, and he practices skills for future independence.
3. Prove to your child that tantrums don't work. Under no circumstances will you give in to the tantrum. Be prepared to get out of line, leave the store, or even ignore your child. Yes, tantrums are rude to other people, but your child will only have one or two before he realizes it serves no purpose.